One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
