i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
