perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
