Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
