my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
