Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she peed on how many people?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
