Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
