he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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