Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
