i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
