Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
