He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
