But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
