Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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