is your mom at the bar?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
