I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
