dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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