apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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