I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
