Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
