My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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