Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
