you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
