Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
