Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
