she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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