If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
