Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
