I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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