Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
