is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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