i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
