I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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