I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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