he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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