If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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