she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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