I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
