I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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