I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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