Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
