'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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