got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish i was in the wii world.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
