Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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