she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
