i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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