So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
