I'm going to jail i love you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
