With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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