I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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