So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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