In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
