well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
