I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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