i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize