I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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