I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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