where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
