You made me cry and you don't even care
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
