It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
