I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
