i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
