my mouth tastes like poor choices
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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