then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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