tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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