I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
