i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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