Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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