Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
