Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
