Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
