Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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