My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
