kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...