Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey