sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
