It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment