Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

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(816): View more from Missouri

She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"

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(614): View more from Ohio

just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(562): View more from California

I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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(925): View more from California

We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.

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(512): View more from Texas

There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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(707): View more from California

I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.

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