You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
one might say we're banned from that church
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
