I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
