i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
