I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
