i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
