I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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