Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
