when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
