i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
