if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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